30 fingers&toes

"Are they triplets?" "No, I found the other one in the parking lot and thought, 'why not?'"

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Birthday season is drawing to a close

307f99c601052fefc4d9dcbc447947b6Our family gets hit pretty hard with birthdays it seems. The husband is a bit before the holiday season, I’m just weeks before Santa arrives and then Isabelle is two months later followed up by the twins a month later! It’s a lot!!! I basically need to sell organs on the black market to afford anything from September to April!

Isabelle invited 2 friends to go bowling, have dinner at Harvey’s(her choice, not ours) and then home for cake and gifts and a sleepover! Isabelle asked from the beginning that her brother and sister not be involved in much of her birthday party. We agreed to a point. Her party was on her actual birthday this year. We decided with her that it would just be her and her friends to go bowling. Then we would meet up as a family for dinner. Later at the house we would do our best to entertain the twins so that Izzy and her friends could just have some girl time.

This almost went well. Izzy agreed to everything but also insisted that Madeline not be allowed to sleep in her room for the sleepover part. We understand that Isabelle needs her space and she should be allowed to have it. She just goes about it all wrong. Instead of saying nicely or asking Madeline nicely, she was pretty rude about the whole thing. Face palm. The husband and I smoothed things over with Madeline. Aidan was more than happy to let her camp out on his bedroom floor. One condition of Madeline not sleeping in her own room, decided by Madeline, was that she would be taking their little radio with her into Aidan’s room. Isabelle was not impressed but I shot her a “Mommy isn’t putting up with anymore crap tonight!” look and Isabelle let it go. Mommy fact: I have  been known to sing “Let it Go” loudly and off key on purpose to the kids when moments like this occur. They hate it. Ahahahahahahahahahah!!!

The rest of the night went fairly well. Madeline only cried a handful of times because they didn’t want her around and she just kept going back for more. All in all, it went well and gave me a smidgen of hope for the two parties yet to come.

The twins have separate parties. They have separate friends. They like different things. Honestly, it’s like they aren’t twins at all.

Aidan had his party over March Break. I realized a little late that I am working solid weekends until the end of April and likely will be in May. It’s hard to have sleep overs during the week, what with getting their education interfering. Thankfully Aidan is not big on birthday parties. He only wanted to invite his bestie over. We took them to Springz, and indoor trampoline place. Then we headed to Aidan’s fav place for ribs, Rock Bottom. Then it was home for cake and presents and another sleep over. This time it was more Isabelle who struggled with not feeling included in what the boys were doing. I was constantly after her to leave them alone. I tried to have her recall what we went through for her party less than a month before. That didn’t seem to matter of course. In the end fun was had and Isabelle pouted for a while but eventually seems to have gotten over it.

Madeline is having her party this weekend. The twins birthday is this weekend. So again, she is doing something with just her friends and then we will meet up with the husband and other two spawn for dinner at Maddy’s fav spot, Swiss Chalet and then home for cake, gifts and sleep over. Already, Isabelle is demanding that she get to take the radio when she has to sleep in Aidan’s room. She has been making sure we are aware of this tidbit for the past two weeks. She is going to make sure she gets exactly what Madeline got. There is no doubt in my mind that my entire evening will be spent refereeing Isabelle away from Madeline and her friends.

This brings me to the talk I will be having with the kids tonight over dinner. If this crap continues during Madeline’s party. Then this is the last party that will happen in this house where friends are invited. It’s takes away from the enjoyment of parties when the grown ups have to police the kids. Not to mention how much fun are they really having when they spend more time arguing with siblings than just hanging out with their friends. So, if there is any crap pulled this weekend it will be family only birthday parties until they can show us that they are capable of not being assholes to one another(this could take a few years I think…..)

I will post a brief update on this situation next week!


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I’m done adulting/parenting for today

This post is brought to you by the letter “P” and the colour Brown.


I have just put the kids to bed and I’m loading the dishwasher, then the following happens.


Isabelle: Mmmmmoooooooommmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Yes??????

Isabelle: Uh, my poop won’t go down the toilet!!!!!!!!!!

Me: ……………………I had no appropriate words for this so I chose to remain silent for a moment. Then asked if the water was going to overflow the toilet.

Isabelle: The water goes down, but my poop won’t!!!


Me: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!! (Said in my head, but I’m pretty sure the expression on my face said enough.)

If it wasn’t for the fact that I don’t want to make all my reader vomit on their computers, I’d post the photo I took of the massive turd my eight year old managed to birth from her tiny butthole. I took a photo to send to the husband as he’s not home tonight. I sent the photo because of his “ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha” comment he sent me when I texted him the problem I was faced with.

First thing I do is send the children back to bed. Yes, they all had to come and have a good look at the poop baby that just came out of Isabelle’s butt. She had to retell the story to them despite the fact that they all heard her telling me the problem the first time around. In fact, if the weather permitted open windows the neighbours would have heard about her enormous poop baby.

Next, I decide to go get a plastic bag. An arms length of paper towels (unnecessary yes, but I am taking no risks here), and one of the many dollar store paint brushes we seem to own. Then I head back upstairs to the wedged poop baby in the toilet.


Clenching my jaw together, so I don’t vomit, I use the handle end of the paint brush to turn the poop, immediately wrap the paint brush in all the paper towels, put in plastic bag, tie several knots in the bag, flush toilet. Now the fucking thing is stuck going down. I plunge the toilet that is filling with murky poop water, still clenching my jaw as not to vomit. Success! Poop baby has been flushed! Clean up and take plastic bag out to the garbage in the garage.

First thing going on shopping list for tomorrow: foods with more fibre for Isabelle. Now, this girl is done. The kids will just have to survive whatever happens between now and tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off at 6:45am, adulting/parenting time is over. Bring on the pj’s and Netflix!

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Here’s something I thought I’d never have to say

The kids and I had been running errands for most of the afternoon. I had one last stop which was the grocery store. The girls had had enough of shopping and wanted to stay in the van and Aidan was happy to accompany me into the store.

It was a nice day. Not hot, but not cold either. I cracked the windows for the kids just for fresh air. I reminded them that they are NOT to open the doors for anyone!! I made them both look me in the eye and repeat it back to me.

I was about to close the van door and walk away when I thought I should perhaps say one more thing to them before leaving.

“Girls, do NOT sit in here and scream your heads of just for fun. It seems fun, but what is not fun is when a stranger thinks I’m a bad parent and just leaves my chidren in a car and phones the police.”

What irritates me is that I actually have to tell my children this. I should just be able to leave my kids in a vehicle, go into the store and come back without someone deciding I must be a careless parent. People are fun. The girls didn’t take me seriously at first. So I once again made them repeat out loud that they are not to scream their heads off for the two minutes I am gone.

Thankfully the girls behaved and there was no police officer waiting for me to come out of the grocery store.

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What the $&^* Lakeshore Disc.


Yesterday the buses were cancelled for the county. We are close enough that my kids go to school regardless. I debated letting them stay home to enjoy the bit of snow we had but I knew Isabelle wanted to be at school on her birthday. So the above meme is for the kids.

Now, to direct my attention and anger to the school.

I went to pick up the spawn after school. I arrived a little early because I knew the parking lot would fill up quickly and it wasn’t plowed, slushy and had a bunch of drifting snow in it. Found my spot and settled in to wait. Of course most of the parents were opting to use the bus parking lane today as the buses would not be coming.

At 3:17 I exited the van and walked to the gate to wait for the 3:20 bell. The school is having solar panels installed and the crew doing that was working away in the school yard with their fork lift. When the bell rang at 3:20 and the flood of children did not come from the back doors onto the playground I had assumed it was because the forklift was in motion. Made sense that they wouldn’t let all the kids run out if it was moving around.

I waited a few more minutes. Some of the parents who just wait in their vehicles also wandered over to the gate. I then started second guessing if I had actually heard the bell as the fork lift made a similar sound when backing up. The parents around me were now all getting a little anxious as the kids still weren’t coming out of the school.

We all started in to the school grounds. A pack of concerend parents wondering where the hell our children were. We passed a parent who said she thought maybe we had to go to the kids doors to collect them. Another parent passing by said that they were keeping all the kids in the gym.

The gym? Why the heck are they in the gym?

As I’m walking through the back playground and towards the gym I decide to call the office. The secretary tells me we are to be using the Kiss n’ Ride in the front. Uh, no thanks. I use the parking lot at the rear of the school that you guys make us use. Where are my kids. Well they are in the gym and you have to use Kiss n’ Ride, when there tell the teacher outside who your kids are, they will radio into the gym and send your kids out.

What the #(@&$*(@ is this? When did they start this? I hung up with her and was at the front door of the school at this point. As I enter the front hall way it seems as though the teachers decided to move all the kids into this area. Right away I see my three. Isabelle is about to break down into tears. She immediately demands to know where I was and why I wasn’t coming to get them. I hug her and tell her I would never just leave them at school and that I had NO IDEA they were not coming out their ususal way.

So Lakeshore Discovery….apparently you need to be reminded that you have a Facebook account, Twitter account and the Principal has a personal Twitter account, as well as this Remind App you made us all download at the start of the school year!

USE THEM!! I highly doubt that in this area there isn’t a parent who doesn’t have access to social media!! You want a fast, easy way to let us all know that you are going to change how you dismiss kids on a snow day then this is the way to do it!!!!!

Because you failed to let us know that our children would not be exiting the school in their usual fashion, you not only pissed off a bunch of parents, myself included, you managed to scare the shit out of my kid!!

Well done Lakeshore Discovery. You are not making it easy for me to tell people why your school is the school they should want their children to attend.