30 fingers&toes

"Are they triplets?" "No, I found the other one in the parking lot and thought, 'why not?'"


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I’m done adulting/parenting for today

This post is brought to you by the letter “P” and the colour Brown.

 

I have just put the kids to bed and I’m loading the dishwasher, then the following happens.

 

Isabelle: Mmmmmoooooooommmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Yes??????

Isabelle: Uh, my poop won’t go down the toilet!!!!!!!!!!

Me: ……………………I had no appropriate words for this so I chose to remain silent for a moment. Then asked if the water was going to overflow the toilet.

Isabelle: The water goes down, but my poop won’t!!!

poop

Me: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!! (Said in my head, but I’m pretty sure the expression on my face said enough.)

If it wasn’t for the fact that I don’t want to make all my reader vomit on their computers, I’d post the photo I took of the massive turd my eight year old managed to birth from her tiny butthole. I took a photo to send to the husband as he’s not home tonight. I sent the photo because of his “ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha” comment he sent me when I texted him the problem I was faced with.

First thing I do is send the children back to bed. Yes, they all had to come and have a good look at the poop baby that just came out of Isabelle’s butt. She had to retell the story to them despite the fact that they all heard her telling me the problem the first time around. In fact, if the weather permitted open windows the neighbours would have heard about her enormous poop baby.

Next, I decide to go get a plastic bag. An arms length of paper towels (unnecessary yes, but I am taking no risks here), and one of the many dollar store paint brushes we seem to own. Then I head back upstairs to the wedged poop baby in the toilet.

clog

Clenching my jaw together, so I don’t vomit, I use the handle end of the paint brush to turn the poop, immediately wrap the paint brush in all the paper towels, put in plastic bag, tie several knots in the bag, flush toilet. Now the fucking thing is stuck going down. I plunge the toilet that is filling with murky poop water, still clenching my jaw as not to vomit. Success! Poop baby has been flushed! Clean up and take plastic bag out to the garbage in the garage.

First thing going on shopping list for tomorrow: foods with more fibre for Isabelle. Now, this girl is done. The kids will just have to survive whatever happens between now and tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off at 6:45am, adulting/parenting time is over. Bring on the pj’s and Netflix!

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Oh public heath….

On Friday Isabelle handed me an envelope that said it was from Public Health here in Windsor. I opened it and read that Isabelle was apparently missing some vaccinations and if we didn’t a) vaccinate her or b) have a letter of exemption she was going to be suspended starting April 22nd.

I don’t appreciate letters like this. While I’m glad they got in touch with us about her possibly infecting the whole school and bringing on an outbreak of measles, mumps and rubella, it would have been just fine if they had called me up a month ago and said “Hey, did you know it seems as though your child is missing some of their vaccinations?”

I called our pediatrician and requested an appointment to get Isabelle’s vaccinations up to date and explained there was some urgency in this because the school was going to suspend her in two weeks if we didn’t. They booked us in for 9:30 this morning. Then as I’m about to get the kids ready and into the van her office calls and says they aren’t comfortable doing the vaccination because they are certain there is a mistake somewhere. I can’t blame them. I’m all for vaccinations, but no need to over do it!! They suggest I call our last Dr. Her first dose was in 2009. Drive kids to school and start googling our Dr in Milton. I call and explain the situation. I give my info and she will call back.

Put in a call to my husband to bring him up to speed and to share in some of the morning shenanigans I had to deal with. Isabelle was having a meltdown over her impending needle. She didn’t know I was taking this photo of her mid anxiety meltdown.

IMG_20160405_125157

She calls back. This might be the fastest call back I’ve ever had from a Dr’s office!! Lucky day! She found the records we needed and gave me the required info for the form. No suspension for Isabelle!! Hooray!!

Isabelle way saying during her above meltdown that she’d rather be suspended than get a needled. I said that was cool, I could homeschool her in the fine arts of cleaning toilets and doing laundry. She made a screwed up frowny face at me. Hahaha.

Once again I find myself wishing that there was some unified way for all the Health Units to have to correct information. This simple mistake happened because the boxes weren’t checked correctly on the form that we were given and then provided to her school upon registration. Sigh…. More adventures in the raising of little humans.