30 fingers&toes

"Are they triplets?" "No, I found the other one in the parking lot and thought, 'why not?'"

Understanding Ikea instructions vs. understanding kids

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ikeaI’m just going to get right to it. I feel as though I can understand Ikea instructions better than I understand kids. This could mean my three kids are doomed and quite possibly will be replaced with Ikea furniture.

 

More specifically. I don’t understand girls. Strange because I was one once and somehow managed to turn into a pretty fantastic woman in my opinion. If you disagree, well I honestly don’t care. Perhaps that is what sets me apart. I just don’t care if you like me or not. If you don’t like me, too bad for you and I will just find someone else who does.

Girls are mean. As I explained to Madeline tonight, I think girls have been mean to each other since the dawn of time. I am a little alarmed at just how mean girls are and that it’s starting as early as grade 1.

A little back story to catch you up to speed in my ramblings. This morning I took the girls to get their hair cut. Isabelle has been pestering me for quite a while now to chop of her locks. She is irritated with how I brush her hair and yet still refuses to brush her own hair. Cutting it off really does make the most sense. Madeline wanted to cut her hair because I had recently cut my hair as well. She is literally my “mini-me” even more now after her hair cut today.

Both girls chose the length they wanted. My fabulous hair dresses squeezed us in before our upcoming vacation. Their chosen hair styles turned out fantastic! I thought all was well in the world until just 30 minutes ago. Isabelle came my bedroom where she found me studying. She has mastered passive aggressiveness and starts saying how her new hair makes her head look weird, how she wishes we lived in a mansion, that she never should have had her hair cut and on and on until I finally said something. I was of course irritated. Not at her hair, because I felt her hair was amazing. I was irritated that she doesn’t think our oversized house is big enough for her. Sigh….can’t win.

Next comes Madeline. It’s bed time and she had to come down to make sure I was coming up to tuck them in. I was delayed by Isabelle’s feelings of disappointment. Madeline hugs me and climbs on to the bed with me and says she has a secret she wants to tell me. She then shoots a look at her sister that only a sister can give, she was basically saying “This is where you get the hell out Isabelle!” She would say “hell”, but her look sure said it.

I told Isabelle to wait at the stairs and we would all walk up in a minute. Wrong. Never think to yourself that your 7 year old’s secret will only take up a minute of your time.

Tears. Sobs. Snot. Then she says to me, “I think my face is ugly.” I wanted to crumble. She continued telling me that a few of her “friends” at school like to squish her cheeks and tell her she’s got chubby cheeks. She goes on to tell me she embarrassed to smile because her two front teeth are desperately trying to fall out and are crooked like a hillbilly. And also because she had a tooth on the bottom come out recently. So now she doesn’t like to smile because she thinks people are going to make fun of her.

She said to me “I like my body but I hate my face.”

Girls are mean. PERIOD. I have not a fucking clue why they are so mean. I hate that girls are being mean and I extra hate that it’s happening to my children. Where is the manual on how to explain to your children that sometimes other children are just plain assholes?

I tried to explain that it’s possible her friends don’t think what they are doing is mean. Possible, but I could be wrong. I’m not there. Maybe they are just being mean? I can only encourage her to play with other kids, meet other kids she hasn’t played with yet and tell her that she is beautiful no matter what anyone else says to her.

I told her tonight that I will never lie to her. I did tell her that sometimes Mommy and Daddy might not be able to tell you things to protect them or maybe because it’s a surprise. However, I will always tell her the truth. I will never just tell her something because I think that’s what she need to hear. My girls know that babies, should they choose to have them, will come out of their vagina’s. I don’t see the point in lying to them. I won’t tell them anything they can’t handle.

I told Madeline that girls are mean. I can’t explain why. I wish that girls weren’t mean and that if she needs to she can come to me or her Dad and we can talk. About anything.

She asked me if I ever had to deal with girls being mean. I drew a blank. I’m sure I did but I don’t really recall. Throughout school I did my best to just be friends with anyone and everyone. I floated around through the groups and managed to get through relatively unscathed. I was picked on by a few boys. In High school, Mickey Schmitt gave me a pet name of “Walrus.” I’m not sure how far he went in life, but it’s likely I will never forget him thanks to his pet name for me. I did choose to not let it get to me, aside from that time I believe I threw my binder at him in Ms. Eastman’s art class.

Yes, I will tell my girls about this. I will throw in that they should not also throw school materials at people. It was wrong and I didn’t throw anything at him again.

I’m sure it’s possible people were making fun of me, but I really just didn’t care. I couldn’t wait to get out of High school and be somewhere else. I made new friends. Since then I have made even more new friends. I have also chosen to not make new friends, I am getting too old for this shit.

Bottom line, if they are your “friend” then they shouldn’t be making you feel like this. You shouldn’t be crying over something a “friend” said to you or the way they treated you. Friends should make you cry because you are up way too late watching You Tube videos about screaming goats and you are laughing so hard there are tears. They make you cry because they have just done something utterly amazing for you when you are having a really shitty day. They are there to cry with you when someone close to you dies or you just pushed a human out of your vagina!

I hugged my girls tight tonight. Told them I loved them and that I am always there for them and that I will always tell them the truth.

Girls are mean, I can’t change that. I am going to do everything possible to help you not be a mean girl so that when another girl is upset at school you can tell her it’s going to be okay.

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Author: 30fingersandtoes

Parenting and adulting is hard. There is no manual. No volume control. No self cleaning house and self refilling fridge. This is my story of navigating through the ups and downs of our crazy-wonderful life.

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