After a long day I sat down in front of my Pinky, my pink laptop, and started scrolling though all my friends status’s on Facebook. I came across one that read “is wondering how the heck Leanne Diplock does it???????? I am stressed with 2!” A few comments were made by people I don’t know, offering this friend of mine some kind words and encouragement. One person even asked who I was! I’m flattered in a way that people on the outside think I have it all together. And most days I think I could honestly say I have it all together.
But here’s the nasty dirty truth my friends. I don’t.
I’ve been asked lots or I suppose people are never really asking so much as they are commenting “How do you do it?” The plain and simple answer is, I just do. I do it because no one else is going to. I do it because someone has to keep the kids clean and fed and entertained. It’s not easy and again at times maybe I make it look easy but it’s not.
My house is not clean. In fact it’s never clean enough that I feel good enough about it to have friends over. I’ve have lived in this house now for almost 2 years, I have not yet had my neighbours over. I’ve been to there house to visit and she’s got kids. How come her house can be spotless and mine looks like Toys r Us threw up all over the living room, my kitchen is always a disaster with dishes piled up, the dining room is always messy for some reason with art projects or plates left on the table, my house is total chaos and that’s just the first floor!
My babies are 3 and 2 now and things are getting easier. I do a have a bit more free time on my hands to get things done. But to be honest, who wants to clean up a kitchen when they could be spending time with their kids. I figure I’ll focus on the house when the kids are in school. I will keep it clean enough that I can let my mother threw the door but perhaps having dinner parties and friends over will just have to wait. Unless of course you are a friend who doesn’t care about random socks on the living room floor and almost stepping on a toy left by the kids every 5 steps. Then you are more than welcome in.
Do you know, that I for the first time since having all three kids, took them out alone! Yep, I packed them up into the van, drove 45 minutes to a friends house for a playdate. That is the first time Leanne Diplock has taken all of her children out of the house by herself to go somewhere. I’ve taken them on walks around the block or outside to play. But to actually take them somewhere was a new step for me. I’ve been trapped in my ho me for almost 2 years. I honestly took a job so that I would have a reason to leave the house. I needed to use my brain for good and not just for play.
I now know why people find their car keys in the freezer. I used to be on top of things. If myself or the husband misplaced something, odds were I would know where to find it. These days I put my keys down and they are gone for good. Recently I lost my very expensive pair of sunglasses that I have had since my trip to see Heather in Nova Scotia. Those glasses are my 4th baby, I have looked after them so well because they cost $$. I LOST THEM!!! I do NOT lose things. My husband loses things, all the time and then I find them hooray and save the day. For over a week I could not find my sunglasses. It drove me nuts. I tend to put them down in stupid places in my house, but I checked all the regular stupid places and they weren’t there. Guess where I found them. Go a head…….guess.
Under my bed. WTF were they doing under my bed? I don’t wear them to bed. I make a point to never take them upstairs. So how in the world did they get up there?
I have meltdowns on a regular basis. Usually in the privacy of my shower. When I remember to take the time to have a shower. I cry. I’m not ashamed of it. There is nothing wrong with me. It feels good. And then I pick myself up and go on again about my life.
Yesterday is a great example of how my life is far from perfect with 3 under 3. All three kids had their naps. Heck, I even stole a few minutes of shut eye too. 4pm, time to get up. We get up, all is good until I get to the foot of the stairs and notice that Aidan is still at the top of the stairs. Isabelle is immediately yelling for me to put Toopy and Bino on, I call up to Aidan to come downstairs to which he promptly replies “NO!” So I said “Okay, you can stay up there if you like” and he once again replied “NO!” and proceeded to bang his head off the floor. Thank goodness for carpet or Aidan may not make it to University! So now, Isabelle is in tears because I didn’t immediately put Toopy and Bino on, and Maddy is now starting to cry for what appears to be no apparent reason. So to recap, Aidan is now 4 steps down the stairs, crying. Isabelle and Madeline are now crying. I’m standing there thinking to myself, what did I do wrong? Aidan now comes downstairs and is full on crying, snot running down his nose, big tears rolling down his cheeks. Isabelle and Madeline are also full on crying despite my putting Toopy and Bino on.
What did I do you may be asking yourself. I walked to the front door of my house, unlocked it, opened it, stepped out the door, closed the door behind me. Took a deep breath. Exhaled. Took another deep breath. Exhaled and thank God Daddy pulled in the driveway. I opened up the door, told them he was home and that seemed to make things better.
My life is far from perfect or organized, I have many pull my hair out moments, I have days where I wonder if life will ever get better, I cry in the shower, I cry in my sleep, I’m tired physically, emotionally and mentally, I hate my body, I should go to bed early but don’t, I miss my life before kids, I miss my body before kids, I miss being more organized, I miss being out in the world, I miss having friends, but despite all the chaos and tears and screaming and yelling, and hair pulling, and biting, and kicking, and toy stealing and throwing etc…..I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have three wonderful children who complete me. And I’m flattered that friends think I have it all together. To all my Mommy friends, you are wonderful Mommies and I think we all need to remember to take time for ourselves and to remember that kids don’t come with instructions, we aren’t perfect, we will make mistakes along the way and that’s okay. Our children love us unconditionally and that’s all that matters. So when you are having a bad day, take a moment, take a deep breath and do your best. Hugs to you all!
I know Maddy loves me extra today because she was thoughtful enough to throw up all over me and the couch today!!